IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I’VE POSTED ABOUT MY DEMOLITIONS.
Hey, hi, what’s up and hello. It’s Delaney Danger Clark, back at it again.
My last trip with Madi consisted of me bringing terror upon all the folks at the hotel we stayed at.
In case you would like to replicate my mind-blowing success, here’s my strategy.
#1 – STRUT YOUR STUFF
You’re a million times more epic than anyone else. Let the world know.
Gaze at your reflection in the window.
Make poses. Smirk. And then…
#2 – HOG THE WINDOW
Hog all the window space, especially when people in your room are trying to see through it.
#3 – HOG THE BED
This was admittedly hard, since there were two beds in the room and I couldn’t hog all of them.
The bed of most importance, however, was the one Madison slept on, so obviously, I hogged that one.
Her chiropractor is horrified at her back trouble since she sits down all the time to blog and write… nonstop.
So when she wanted to rest her poor tired neck and back after a long road trip, I crawled all over each pillow she tried to rest on.
It was marvelous fun.
#4 – HOG THE TV
Madison doesn’t watch TV, but I unplugged all the cords just in case.
Plus, the nightstand thingy it was on was a great place for me to creepily stare at people passing by.
#5 – RAID THE FRIDGE
Madison happens to like food, so when her family transported the items in their cooler to the fridge, I ate all of the snacks she was counting on.
And if you’re really hungry, just go ahead and eat everything.
#5 – MOVE OUT OF THE ROOM
By now, the people you’re staying with are probably looking to wring your neck.
So just bring some terror upon everyone else in the hotel, too.
I brought this ice bucket down the hall with me. It was heavy, so I kept moaning at the top of my lungs as I dragged it along.
I successfully woke up everyone on our floor.
#6 – USE THAT LOUD ICE MACHINE A LOT
Madison hates being sent to go get ice. She’s paranoid of waking people up since the machine is so loud.
She should’ve suspected something was up when I offered to go in her place, but because she’s dumb, she didn’t suspect a thing.
Not only was everyone on our floor woken up due to my groaning, they weren’t able to fall back asleep due to the ice machine!
I just kept running and running the ice machine. Every time the bucket got full, I’d dump it out and fill it again!
Eventually, my arms got tired. I decided to move on to strategy step #7.
#7 – FREAK OUT YOUR FAM LIKE THIS
Knock on that door. A lot.
When you hear footsteps coming your way, scramble up to the eyehole and get real close to it. I’m talking eye-to-eye contact.
That way, when the poor person who comes to get the door takes a look through the peephole, they’re startled by your enlarged face.
#8 – STEAL YOUR OWNER’S DEBIT CARD AND BUY EVERYTHING YOU WANT
This probably irked Madison the most. She doesn’t spend money on much, so imagine her surprise the next time she checked her account balance.
I wish I had taken a picture of her face.
I got this enormous box of Skittles and a huge liter of Coke. I don’t even know how much it costed.
I mean, just check out the size of that thing! I think I got up to use the bathroom fifty times during the movie. My tiny body couldn’t handle it all!
Oh, yeah, movie:
#9 – GO ABOVE AND BEYOND YOUR OWNER’S DATA PLAN BY STREAMING A REALLY LARGE, REALLY LONG MOVIE
Oh, this was the best. The fines billed to Madison’s account were too amazing not to laugh with glee at.
I stayed up all night watching movies, eating one Skittle at a time (because of my tiny doll mouth) and working on that Coke.
And that, my raving fans, is how to properly wreck a hotel.
Now, we didn’t go to the fullest extent, because if I had gotten kicked out of the hotel, I probably would’ve gotten kicked out of my family too.
And you don’t want that to happen, so just go to the fullest extent of blurring the lines between legal and illegal.
WHAT’S THE LAST THING YOU WRECKED?
KICKIN’ BUTT AND TAKIN’ NAMES,